Courage is Action Despite Fear

China is kinda a scary place. It doesn't feel like that to me most days. Most days the only thing that affects my day-to-day life is the fact that everyone around me speaks Chinese and I speak it very little. My neighbors are mostly nice, there are tons of kids everywhere, and the church is blooming in DG. We're so protected in this city that sometimes I forget how different it is in the "bigger" China. Things have been getting much better in recent years, but China hasn't changed all that much. We are so blessed to live in a city that is different; but occasionally we're affected. I can't go into details, but this week we were reminded how fragile the China/America relationship is. How easily they could just decide to kick us out.

I've heard that definition of courage a million times. I've heard it explained and yet never fully understood. I've shared with you some fears David and I have about parenting, but this is a little more immediate. Many people ask us how our adoption is going. If we're being honest, at the moment, we're frozen in fear. It's easy to say that you would do anything to bring your kids home to you. It's a lot harder when you are climbing up a treacherous hill and reach an impasse that you literally have to step out in faith. There's a 50/50 chance of how it will turn out once we take this step. We're kinda freaking out and would love some extra prayer about it.

In this time of fear, God has been so gracious to remind us over and over that He makes the decisions, we just have to say "yes." He's reminded us that he holds the hearts of kings (and Chinese government officials) and turns then anyway he chooses. He's reminded us that it is His battle and I just need to bring what I have, He'll do the rest. He's been so faithful throughout this entire process, we know this is just one detail, but it's a scary one. If it goes poorly we could have to start the entire adoption process over again, in possibly another country. We could have problems with our visas, we could get flagged and have difficulty from now on coming and going in China or we could even get kicked out of China entirely. Every devotion I've done lately, every verse I've read, every study I've attended has been a reminder that if we follow His direction, He will make a way.
(Side note: I've been reading a book called "One. Impossible Starts Here" and it's amazing. Check it out if you need a reminder to follow God's will, not just your own comfort!)

We have a little bit of a wait until we're even able to make this leap of faith, but we're also on a deadline. We're getting nervous that we might run out of time on our initial fee with our adoption agency. We're getting nervous that we're taking too long to finish our home study and we might have to do another (more expenses...). We don't want people to think we're being irresponsible, or that we've gotten cold feet and we're running the other direction. We're all in. We're just not sure about the timing. Trust me, I'm chaffing at the wait. I'm trying not to, but I still long to give baths, brush hair & teeth, tuck into bed, play games, cuddle, and feed my own children. This longing hasn't faded. We're doing all we can, but this is too big for us alone. We need God.

"I'll never leave you or forsake you" Hebrews 13:5
"You lead me and guide me because of Your name" Ps. 31:3
"I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you hope and a future" Jer. 29:11
"I will instruct you and teach you the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you" Ps. 32:8
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" Josh. 24:15

How it went - The Home Study

I'm gonna try a new style of writing today, let me know if you like it.

It was a beautiful day, so let me start there. It was cloudy and overcast, but not with pollution as it is so often in our city of DG. We haven't had rain our entire rainy season, so seeing those clouds was a
happy occasion. We got up extra early and did a quick sweep through of our house. Put away bed mats (we were sleeping on the floor downstairs because the air-conditioning upstairs was broken), put on clothes that were carefully laid out the night before, do hair, make-up, run outside and walk the dog.

Once all the little things we knew we needed to do where done, we made sure everything looked nice one final time before heading out the door. We still needed to catch a taxi, a bus would not do on a day like today. Buses save money, but not time, and time is what we were needing to save. We flagged down a taxi much quicker than we were expecting and we were on our way to Dynatown Mall where we were going to meet up with Eric. Eric is high up in a factory about 20 minutes away from the downtown area. He has a personal driver and he had offered to let us use this luxury for today.

We pulled up to the mall and paid the taxi driver. We got out, hoping Starbucks would be open at 6:30 am. In China, it doesn't open until 7:15, so we were out of luck. We went to McDonald's instead. I got what I everything that I can eat from McDonald's; eggs, a hash-brown and a coffee. David got whatever he wanted; an egg McMuffin, a biscuit and a milk. We also ordered food for our driver and Eric. They arrived soon after we got the food and we were heading over to Eric's factory in no time. Our driver needed to eat once we got to the factory, so he took 10 minutes to do that and we took a tour of the place. Eric's factory makes lamps for hotels. It was a really cool experience.

We got our GPS ready to go to Guangzhou airport and we were off. It took about an hour and a half to drive all the way there. We spent that time reading our adoption education book, "The Connected Child" and talking, all the while trying to keep ourselves from becoming over-anxious and over-stressed.

When we finally got there, we communicated (in horrible Chinese) to the driver that we wanted him to stay nearby and we would be back soon. We found the gate which our social worker would be arriving. We decided to scrawl her name on a piece of paper, just in case we didn't recognize her.
We took turns visiting the restroom and spent the time pacing back and forth still talking and joking, trying to ease the nerves.

Some people started filing around the exit corner and into the waiting area. An elderly couple, a family, lots of single Chinese people. Finally, the only person who was foreign enough to be her turned the airport exit corner. It was easier than we thought to recognize her, and we called out her name. We said hello and it all began.

We got in the car and drove back to Dongguan. Our nerves were quickly calmed as we began to just talk. At first we were still feeling the pressure to present ourselves in a positive light, but as we got to know her and she got to know us, we were much more comfortable. I offered her a snack I had packed which led to a conversation about nutrition. We talked for some time about the importance of nutrition when adopting. The fact that I had packed Gluten free pretzels, a Soyjoy and some water boded well for us! David even took the opportunity to brag on me for my dietary and nutrition expertise!

We talked about all kinds of things, but here are the big topics I remember; we talked about the level of support we felt we had from friends and family, our plans for discipline, how there could be issues with attachment after adoption, the special needs in a child that might arise with any international adoption, what we planned in terms of childcare, how we were planning financially, and so much more. We actually knew the answer to every question asked! We spent time talking in the car, in our living room and while eating lunch at a Chinese restaurant down the road from us.

She met Aubie and Luna and they were on their best behavior. She loved them! She said "I knew I would like you when I read about how your greatest accomplishment was saving your kitten." I felt a kind of kindred spirit thing going on with her. First on the topic of nutrition and now with animals!

She looked around at safety features in our house and pointed out some things we might improve on. The best thing she said all day was "I don't need to check every little safety feature, because I know you will love your children more than I do and will want to protect them more than I would."
Honestly, it made me feel capable.

There weren't many concerns for safety about our house, except the balconies. Our social worker suggested either getting some sort of lock for everywhere connecting to a balcony or these wire nets I often see around the community. David and I are looking into that now and we will see what we can find and afford. She gave us advise on the process, told us what it would entail to get official approval for the home study and offered help for certain parts of the process.

After that we took her out to get some stuffed toys for her kids, gave her a Kombucha scobi to take home with her, then drove back with her to the airport. By the time we got back home, we were exhausted. It was 7 or 8 at night and all we could do was feel proud and sit on the couch and watch tv until it was an acceptable time to go to bed.

Overall, it was a really good day. The best part about it was after all our talking she said, "I'm going to approve you for 2 kids up to age 7," which is exactly what we wanted to hear. Verbal approval. We were so excited!

Now what's next? We've been approved for two kids by our social worker, but we still have some paperwork to finish, send in, get approved, cleared and so on. We are currently sending in Child Abuse Clearance paperwork for SC and TN. David is also working on completing his adoption education so he can earn his certificate. After that our completed home study document will be sent in to the Central Authority in the US and hopefully approved without investigation (think IRS checking on validity of taxes, but with adoption paperwork). If they ask for proof of something we only have a short period of time to respond with the needed paperwork. If we fail to comply there are consequences, such as having to re-do the whole home study.  We are praying that they will not ask for proof. By the time mail found its way to us, we would only have a few days to comply because of being in China and the reliability of mail here.

If we can sail smoothly through the home study approval, our next step is to attain all the paperwork we need for our dossier. If you want to know more about what is included in a dossier check out what our agency says here.

Silent Auction - Update!!

It's taken me a while to get this update on here! Mostly because of how crazy busy we got in the last several days we were home (including a meeting with a newspaper reporter!) and then, of course, jet-lag from flying all the way across the world. Honestly, I'm writing this in very, very short bursts, because I've been so tired! Finally feeling better now and laying off the Marathon of "New Girl," at least for most of the day! (sorry for the rabbit trails - further evidence of the jet-lagging!)

Well, we're very excited to announce...

Drum Roll, please...

We raised over $8,000!!!

The silent auction was a HUGE success! We had about 100 people show up, we sold almost every basket and item (!) and had tons of gracious donations! Thank you to everyone that came and showed us such amazing support of our adoption! We are so blown away by the sweet, thoughtful donations, both of items for the auction and monetary. We want to say thank so so much!

Our goal was $4,000, just enough to get us through the home study, and honestly, we weren't sure if we'd be able to raise that much in just ten days of being home! We were told by several people that they thought it wouldn't work out the way we thought it would. That maybe we should lower our expectations. And that maybe people wouldn't be interested in buying the themed baskets we put together. But I have to say, I'm really proud of how it ended up turning out and while there are things I would change, there are definitely things that I would do again! (Post to come later about that!)

We don't have many pictures, because everyone involved was pretty... well... involved! We were so busy during the event that it felt like it all passed in about 15 minutes! Here are the few pictures we have from the event:

Apparently, I left my SD card at my mom's house... so pictures will be updated later! Sorry friends!

Oh, last thing! We had an article written about us in the Bluffton Sun/Hilton Head Sun! Here's the link: We're on the March 3 issue, page 8/9!!! Eeeeekkk! So excited!

Counting the Days

As many of you already know, David and I are coming home in February (!) for two weeks. We're looking forward to seeing our families, meeting our new beautiful niece, and seeing some friends we haven't seen in what seems like forever. Even as I'm counting down the days until I get to hug my mama until I cry (or you know, long before I get to actually physically get to her, because I miss my mama), see my little brother(s) and sister, hold that baby and spend some time with my daddy, I'm also reminded of why we're going to the USA in the first place. I'm counting down the days until we bring our children home.

We're going so that we can round up all the documents we need for our home study and while we're there we want to try to raise money for the home study fees. We can cover a lot of the expenses for the home study, but because we're in China it's going to have more fees, mostly because of travel expenses for the social worker. We've been trying to contact as many people as we can find that are located near us. The problem is that the embassies have not updated their lists of home study providers in 10 years and laws for adoption can change within months. The biggest change that has been affecting us is the Hague Convention. Now, it's been inconvenient for us for a number of reasons, but I need you to know that this change is actually an amazing thing for the protection of adopted children and adoptive parents alike.

We've contacted at least 10 home study providers, only 3 are still in the running at all, and two of them are decently expensive. We're looking at another person that is closer to us, so we'll see if that pans out. We're trying to figure out what documents we need so we can figure out what our schedule will look like while we are home for the short 13 days. We're also trying to figure out how to change some of our information. We still have TN drivers licenses, but our permanent address needs to be with one of our parents so that means at least some hours spent at the DMV. We do have one advantage in all of our scheduling needs; we're not working while in the USA, so we can go in when most people can't. The down side will be that we will be jet-lagging probably pretty badly for the first week if experience serves me right. Pray for patience. We will already be in government buildings for far, far too long with my Irish temper, I will need extra patience for this trip!

I have had a lot of emotions when considering this trip; excitement, anxiety, and many others. But I have to remember that all of this is for the purpose of bringing our kids home. It's much like the mantra I had for planning our wedding, "At the end of all of this, I will be married." Except, this time it's, "At the end of all of this I will be a mom!" I don't know what becoming a parent will be like for us. I don't know what things we may encounter as parents or what joys it may hold, but we can't wait.

We were so excited this Christmas that we actually bought several presents that would be good for kids under the age of ten. We've decided to start buying toys and books so that when we finally do get to bring them home, we have things to give them. I realize that parenting is not about things, but this is the one aspect that we can really start now to benefit from later. We already missed at least one Christmas with our kids, and possibly many more depending on their ages. Through our endless to-do list of the adoption process, my mantra will be, "At the end, I will get to bring them home, I will be a mom and it will all be worth it."

So Much to be Thankful For

This year we have so much to be thankful for!

I am so thankful for God's perfect timing, above all else. David and I thought we were in the perfect apartment for our upcoming adoption. It had more rooms in it than we had currently needed and had an amazing loft and attic. We had landlords that would work with us and an agency that would get things done immediately. So when we found out that our landlords had decided to sell, we decided to find another place! It's so funny, because not two weeks earlier I was telling David that I really felt like we should look at other apartments just in case there was something out there that was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT for us. I told him that I really wanted to feel reassured that there was nothing else for us, before we received our home study.

Our landlords gave us the option to stay as long as we could be open to receiving buyers up to twice a week! This was not an option for us for several reasons. The first being that we have a delightful, anxiety-filled dog and a wonderful, rambunctious, 5 month old kitten. The second reason is that if we move after our home study and before we bring our kids home, we have to get another at our expense. The home study will most likely cost a little more than normal for us since we live in China and have to find someone that is Hague accredited, so having to do another would be extremely inconvenient.

We went on the hunt for our perfect apartment, for which we had surprisingly good attitudes! We both had a peace about it and we just really felt that God had prepared a place in advance for us.

We looked for two days (only!) and found THE ONE! It is five four bedrooms and four three bathrooms. (One room doesn't count because it's the size of a closet, and one bathroom is a Chinese toilet... haha!). Two of the rooms are really starting to come together as kids rooms, which is SUPER exciting to me! Our couches are at least 80% better in looks and comfort and we're super close to my campus of school.

We decided to go ahead and dedicate some of our funds this month to making our house our home. We took a trip to Ikea and bought some new stuff (finally!) for our place. We got some things that, honestly, just make me feel more at home and better equipped for a home study. I know that things are not what makes a home study, but there's something about finally having dishes that match each other that makes me feel like I actually have my life in order! Don't judge me too much!

Our next step in our journey is our first big payment. This fee goes towards our agency fee and the first part of our home study. It comes out to roughly $3,200. What's crazy amazing is that we have exactly the amount we need. I mean, we come within a hundred dollars of exactly. God is so, truly amazing. I need to share that this is further confirmation (like we needed any more!) that we are exactly where we need to be, doing exactly what we need to be doing. The next thing we will need is our home study fee, and we're having that after two fundraisers we're planning. If you're in Hilton Head in February (tentatively the 21st), we will be having a silent auction/dinner! If you can't make it to that, know that soon we're going to set some goals to cut/shave hair on David's head (yes, that includes his beloved beard, Dad Carr!). We're really excited and we know God will provide even if no one shows up to these fundraisers. After the home study we will be applying for every grant we even partially qualify for in the hope that it will help us receive the rest of our funding to bring our kids home.

If you have anything you would like to donate to our silent auction, you can contact my Mom Watkins, Mom Carr, my sister Erika, or me.
I can't wait to see so many of you in February!

Exciting, Scary Progress.

Cha-ching.
This is the thought going through David's mind this week.
So close. So real. So very.... scary.
These have been my thoughts.

We've been researching and researching, planning and saving, for almost two years now! I've found a sort of contentment in the planning, in the preparation, and even in the not having kids yet. We've worked really hard to try to figure out what we need and want to do to prepare for kids, and now it seems like the process it really going to get started.
So far, it's been a lot like a wandering walk in the park, looking at things we want to look at, discovering new things and finding things that can help us along the way. Now it seems like that relaxing, slow paced walk is over, and it's about to turn into a full sprint to the finish line. I realize the adoption process could take years to complete, but even still it's going to go quickly for us.

We had a Skype date with MLJ adoption agency's representative. It was really super encouraging, and I must say that I was dancing (and bouncing) around our house that night to the point I could hardly sleep at all! They work with expats, and they want to be super flexible with us, knowing that we live in China and that's different than if we lived in the states. Our finances, insurance and life-style looks totally different, and it was so nice to hear that it wouldn't be a problem! They showed us a list of referrals that they had received from Bulgaria in 2014, they talked about how Bulgaria is very reliable compared to some other countries and they had one more bit of news that pushed me over the edge of excitement and nervousness; with how much we are open to for our adoption, we could wait as little as three months for a referral! This comes after all the home study and paperwork stuff is taken care of, so we have at least until 2015 before any of this really comes into play. They also sent us an expense sheet, and the overall total is around what I had said before, $30-40,000.

The thing that really made this REAL for us is when we saw the costs broken down, when they were due and how much was due each time. Talk about David going crazy! He was not at all happy to find out that the money we have been saving and raising will only cover the first payment! All of which should be going to the agency within this month! That's our other piece of really big, encouraging news! I don't have to wait to get started on this process.

Now, before we were informed by a different agency that we both needed to be 25 years old. I had emailed this agency before (MLJ) and gotten a similar response, but I'm thinking they believed me to be single, because the representative informed me Tuesday night that since David is 26 and we're married, it will be ok to get started. There is a small part of me that is a little frustrated with this information since this means we really could have gotten started about a year ago. However, the bigger part of me (thankfully) is happy that David and I have had this time to become more informed, to pay off school bills and to become more financially prepared to take on the task of raising children. I think God placed this misunderstanding in our path to lead us in a better timed direction.

With all this new information comes a responsibility for us to get our butts kicked into gear to raise the money we'll need to complete our home study. Thankfully, after we have the home study completed and approved, we can apply for all sorts of adoption grants that will help cover significant amounts of the cost of international adoption. We are talking with family in HHI and Bluffton to start on some community fundraisers, one of the first is an outdoor movie night with hamburgers, hot-dogs, and apple cider. One that we'll will be doing in February is a Silent Auction/Dinner with a movie night for kids. If you have any ideas to help make these better functions, let me or any of my family members know! If you would like to donate an item (a product you or your company makes) for the Silent Auction, it would be such a blessing! I really appreciate your prayers and can't wait to see how God moves in this special area of our lives!

Growing into a Storefront

I am so excited to announce a new development in our adoption fundraising! We were recently given the opportunity to rent a space in a wonderful local Dongguan store! It's called Treasures of Hope and they donate a whole lot of money to different charities in the area such as orphanages, the leper colony and others. They have made their second floor available for rent, and are giving some special treatment to charities such as ours! Another HUGE blessing is that my cousin Melissa will be sharing the space with us and therefore making rent a little cheaper every month! We discussed it and ended up choosing space number 1 because of the placement to the stairs.

The space to the right of the camera taking the picture is where our space will be!

We're at space #1.

We're hoping to get a lot of traffic through there once everything gets started since there will be so many new products from different companies. I've already started on a plan to keep the shelve filled with goods to buy, and I'm so thankful for the time this summer to get some practice in AND get lots of goods made! I know I seem a little ADD when it comes to fundraising, but it has a lot to do with feedback. I also have not stopped working on most of the ideas I have listed, but rather planning carefully and thinking of when to start really trying to sell them.
On that note....
I found a new idea I'm going to try! I found some free stuffed animal patterns on Pinterest and I have learned how to sew previously, so I'm going to try my hand at it! Here in China there is a website you can buy goods from and I bought a whole bunch of fleece fabric, a sewing machine, pillow stuffing and some fabric that looks like fur. I'm going to start with simple ones, and try to move towards the more difficult! I don't have much experience with sewing (I have sewn a quilt and a dress and made some mending on clothes) so if you have any experience making stuffed animals and you want to give me some advice, let me know! I would really appreciate it!
I love hearing from you!