Silent Auction Fundraisers ~What I would and wouldn't do again

It's been a while since I organized the Silent Fundraiser we had for our Home Study and adoption expenses. I've wanted to write about what we did to make it happen for a while and I hope to give you some resources to make your function (if you ever need to have one) successful. I did a bunch of research leading up to the event, but nothing really dug in deep and explained, gave resources and advice all in once place. This will be my attempt to do that!

The first thing that I did was look up the kinds of baskets I could make. I found tons of themes and cute ideas. There were some that I wished I could do, but didn't have the money to make it happen. The number one thing we did to make this a complete success was asking for help from friends and family. They stepped in and donated, showed up, invited other people and bought some stuff too! Here are some of the baskets I ended up with:

Different Theme of Legos

A Basket Full of Legos

Box of Books with a Reading Buddy

Dog Themed 

Starbucks Themed

Spa Themed

Camping & Fishing Theme with Antique Baskets

Family Theme with Chinese New Year Ram

Local Coffee Place "The Corner Perk"

Puzzles Theme

Donated by Local Business "Nour-ish"

Baby Boy Read & Cuddle Theme

Disney Books Read & Cuddle Theme

Farm Read & Cuddle Theme

Baby Read & Cuddle Theme

Christian Children's Books Theme

Woman's Relaxation Theme

Mani/Pedi Kit

Fall Themed Basket

Life by the Sea Theme

Beauty Basket

Antique Ducks in an Antique Basket

Helicopter and Games

Donated Metal Art

Donated Bone China from Treasures of Hope Dongguan, China

Donated Bracelet from "Artware"

You'll probably notice looking through these pictures that I had quite a lot of children's books. While I'm sure you could ask for donations from friends and family, I actually had heard of something called Books By the Foot. They are used books and they box them up and send them to you. Now, not all the books I got were in good condition, but I got a box of roughly 100 books for $25 (though, when I checked today they were on sale for $19!). My husband, sister and I had to sort through them and decide which ones to keep and which to toss. There were one or two I kept for myself or my niece, but I tried to let most of them go.

The second thing I did was look for things that were "like new" being sold. I confess, I got a good bit of what I had in there at Goodwill or other thrift stores. Almost all the baskets came from thrift stores, including that antique one that helped those ducks sell for around $400! A basket I got for $2 and ducks my dad found in an abandoned house! Now, I must confess that my family has a slight problem with hoarding, so finding things that were "like new" was not hard for me. My mom buys stuff all the time on sale and it never gets used. This really paid off for the silent auction when my parents donated things to bring their grandbabies home!

The third thing I did was keep an eye out for deals. If something was on sale and would look nice in a basket, I bought it and saved it. We were able to buy things at a cheaper price and therefore could actually make money from it. I also built a lot around what I already had. That camping basket was built around two sleeping bags David and I had bought at another silent auction, opened and never used. We included a lantern my mom had never used, some antique fishing rods my dad had (and we cleaned up), a fly fishing tackle box, and a selfie stick (which is the only thing I actually bought)... because why not?

The last thing I did was the most important. I asked for donations. I expected a lot of "no's" and got a LOT of "yes's!" I went into it with a good attitude and low expectations. I gave everyone I asked a flyer for the silent auction and invited them to come. Even if they couldn't donate, they could come look around! But most people were very willing to donate! Telling small businesses we were adopting and explaining why was enough for most people. I tried to refer people to our blog as much as possible so if they wanted to check on anything they could. My husband's father is a pastor at a church and there are many people that were willing to donate from their businesses. We also knew quite a few people ourselves, neighbors, friends, business associates, and we asked everyone we knew. Some of them said no, but offered other things, some gave gift cards, some gave small items we put into other baskets, some donated entire baskets (pre-made), most of them gave so much I was astonished! I was absolutely blown away by how much kindness we received, how much people gave and how willing they were to be invested in our story of bring children home to a family.

So that's how we got together the items, but that was only the part we were selling. We put together a pasta bar dinner for donations, and were able to set out some donated desserts. The location we had it at was a church reception hall, it was perfect because we had the kitchen to do the food, tables to eat and chat, tables for the auction and even a microphone for announcements (more about this in a minute)! We were able to get it for free, but we had to make sure it was set up in between the events that were taking place there. Everything had to be cleaned up by the next morning for church. I had seen a post on Pinterest that I thought would also be cool, about another couple's silent auction that they had in their home and in their backyard. They had strung up lights, BBQ and blankets out on the lawn. The set up a speaker and microphone and made their announcements from there. I could get on-board with that!

We also had to set up the bidding sheets. This was both the easiest and hardest part of the whole ordeal. Let me tell you from experience, don't wait until the day before the auction to work on this, even if you're not done with all the baskets or items. Editing the file is way easier than having to do it all at once. I used Word to create a bidding sheet, it already had a nice template. I adjusted a few things, threw in our adoption icon and was ready to rock and roll. Here's what I ended up with:

Burgundy Willow Silent Auction Bidding Sheet

Here's some of the set up stuff I created to get you inspired! Use it if you can!

Signs for Silent Auction

Silent Auction Rules

Bidders Information Sheet

Basket Numbers

We were told by Wikihow that you should start with a minimum bid of 20% of retail. We did a lot of googling to determine what that should be and a lot of estimating. We made a slight mistake of putting a "Buy Now" price. It would have been better if we had just made it bidding - though it only caused one round of confusion, it would have caused less hurt feelings.
We also had something a little special about our silent auction, we had speeches. During the time people were shopping and bidding we had people stand up and talk. Mostly it was us talking as we had over 200 people there and couldn't possibly explain everything they wanted to know about our adoption individually. We spent time detailing our decision, why we felt called and what the steps were from here. We could tell people really enjoyed this facet of the evening as every time there was a speaker, they all came back to sit and listen, and honestly it drew a bit away from the bidding. It didn't end up being a problem because people were so generous about bidding in the first place. But I could see that it probably needed to be timed a little better than it was.

Among the speakers we had a woman whom David's family is close to, speak about her adoption. She explained how she felt being adopted and it was beautiful. None of us really knew the entire story. We also asked a woman from the church who is from Bulgaria (the country we're adopting from) to explain some of the culture and explain the need. She even set up a table to show different pieces of Bulgarian culture. It was wonderful.

One part we did not plan out very well was announcing the winners, and purchasing during the auction. It ended in people patiently waiting in a long line for us to get our acts together and get them their things! It was embarrassing! We were able to set up a way for them to use credit cards and that was really nice. My brother-in-law had the church's online tithes and donations set up to a special event. I'm sure you could also do that by setting up a few computers and a Funding site. (Ps. If you're finished with your home study I recommend using AdoptTogether it gives a tax write-off to donors). Our problem with the during-the-auction-purchasing was that we didn't have enough man-power to announce the winners of each basket, someone bringing out the basket and someone taking the money. We were told to pull the basket once the table bidding was done, and place it in the back, but now I kind of wish we had roped off or covered the table, then had someone check the winner by having the person claim it and the worker verifying it was theirs. It would have been a bit smoother.

Courage is Action Despite Fear

China is kinda a scary place. It doesn't feel like that to me most days. Most days the only thing that affects my day-to-day life is the fact that everyone around me speaks Chinese and I speak it very little. My neighbors are mostly nice, there are tons of kids everywhere, and the church is blooming in DG. We're so protected in this city that sometimes I forget how different it is in the "bigger" China. Things have been getting much better in recent years, but China hasn't changed all that much. We are so blessed to live in a city that is different; but occasionally we're affected. I can't go into details, but this week we were reminded how fragile the China/America relationship is. How easily they could just decide to kick us out.

I've heard that definition of courage a million times. I've heard it explained and yet never fully understood. I've shared with you some fears David and I have about parenting, but this is a little more immediate. Many people ask us how our adoption is going. If we're being honest, at the moment, we're frozen in fear. It's easy to say that you would do anything to bring your kids home to you. It's a lot harder when you are climbing up a treacherous hill and reach an impasse that you literally have to step out in faith. There's a 50/50 chance of how it will turn out once we take this step. We're kinda freaking out and would love some extra prayer about it.

In this time of fear, God has been so gracious to remind us over and over that He makes the decisions, we just have to say "yes." He's reminded us that he holds the hearts of kings (and Chinese government officials) and turns then anyway he chooses. He's reminded us that it is His battle and I just need to bring what I have, He'll do the rest. He's been so faithful throughout this entire process, we know this is just one detail, but it's a scary one. If it goes poorly we could have to start the entire adoption process over again, in possibly another country. We could have problems with our visas, we could get flagged and have difficulty from now on coming and going in China or we could even get kicked out of China entirely. Every devotion I've done lately, every verse I've read, every study I've attended has been a reminder that if we follow His direction, He will make a way.
(Side note: I've been reading a book called "One. Impossible Starts Here" and it's amazing. Check it out if you need a reminder to follow God's will, not just your own comfort!)

We have a little bit of a wait until we're even able to make this leap of faith, but we're also on a deadline. We're getting nervous that we might run out of time on our initial fee with our adoption agency. We're getting nervous that we're taking too long to finish our home study and we might have to do another (more expenses...). We don't want people to think we're being irresponsible, or that we've gotten cold feet and we're running the other direction. We're all in. We're just not sure about the timing. Trust me, I'm chaffing at the wait. I'm trying not to, but I still long to give baths, brush hair & teeth, tuck into bed, play games, cuddle, and feed my own children. This longing hasn't faded. We're doing all we can, but this is too big for us alone. We need God.

"I'll never leave you or forsake you" Hebrews 13:5
"You lead me and guide me because of Your name" Ps. 31:3
"I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you hope and a future" Jer. 29:11
"I will instruct you and teach you the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you" Ps. 32:8
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" Josh. 24:15

How it went - The Home Study

I'm gonna try a new style of writing today, let me know if you like it.

It was a beautiful day, so let me start there. It was cloudy and overcast, but not with pollution as it is so often in our city of DG. We haven't had rain our entire rainy season, so seeing those clouds was a
happy occasion. We got up extra early and did a quick sweep through of our house. Put away bed mats (we were sleeping on the floor downstairs because the air-conditioning upstairs was broken), put on clothes that were carefully laid out the night before, do hair, make-up, run outside and walk the dog.

Once all the little things we knew we needed to do where done, we made sure everything looked nice one final time before heading out the door. We still needed to catch a taxi, a bus would not do on a day like today. Buses save money, but not time, and time is what we were needing to save. We flagged down a taxi much quicker than we were expecting and we were on our way to Dynatown Mall where we were going to meet up with Eric. Eric is high up in a factory about 20 minutes away from the downtown area. He has a personal driver and he had offered to let us use this luxury for today.

We pulled up to the mall and paid the taxi driver. We got out, hoping Starbucks would be open at 6:30 am. In China, it doesn't open until 7:15, so we were out of luck. We went to McDonald's instead. I got what I everything that I can eat from McDonald's; eggs, a hash-brown and a coffee. David got whatever he wanted; an egg McMuffin, a biscuit and a milk. We also ordered food for our driver and Eric. They arrived soon after we got the food and we were heading over to Eric's factory in no time. Our driver needed to eat once we got to the factory, so he took 10 minutes to do that and we took a tour of the place. Eric's factory makes lamps for hotels. It was a really cool experience.

We got our GPS ready to go to Guangzhou airport and we were off. It took about an hour and a half to drive all the way there. We spent that time reading our adoption education book, "The Connected Child" and talking, all the while trying to keep ourselves from becoming over-anxious and over-stressed.

When we finally got there, we communicated (in horrible Chinese) to the driver that we wanted him to stay nearby and we would be back soon. We found the gate which our social worker would be arriving. We decided to scrawl her name on a piece of paper, just in case we didn't recognize her.
We took turns visiting the restroom and spent the time pacing back and forth still talking and joking, trying to ease the nerves.

Some people started filing around the exit corner and into the waiting area. An elderly couple, a family, lots of single Chinese people. Finally, the only person who was foreign enough to be her turned the airport exit corner. It was easier than we thought to recognize her, and we called out her name. We said hello and it all began.

We got in the car and drove back to Dongguan. Our nerves were quickly calmed as we began to just talk. At first we were still feeling the pressure to present ourselves in a positive light, but as we got to know her and she got to know us, we were much more comfortable. I offered her a snack I had packed which led to a conversation about nutrition. We talked for some time about the importance of nutrition when adopting. The fact that I had packed Gluten free pretzels, a Soyjoy and some water boded well for us! David even took the opportunity to brag on me for my dietary and nutrition expertise!

We talked about all kinds of things, but here are the big topics I remember; we talked about the level of support we felt we had from friends and family, our plans for discipline, how there could be issues with attachment after adoption, the special needs in a child that might arise with any international adoption, what we planned in terms of childcare, how we were planning financially, and so much more. We actually knew the answer to every question asked! We spent time talking in the car, in our living room and while eating lunch at a Chinese restaurant down the road from us.

She met Aubie and Luna and they were on their best behavior. She loved them! She said "I knew I would like you when I read about how your greatest accomplishment was saving your kitten." I felt a kind of kindred spirit thing going on with her. First on the topic of nutrition and now with animals!

She looked around at safety features in our house and pointed out some things we might improve on. The best thing she said all day was "I don't need to check every little safety feature, because I know you will love your children more than I do and will want to protect them more than I would."
Honestly, it made me feel capable.

There weren't many concerns for safety about our house, except the balconies. Our social worker suggested either getting some sort of lock for everywhere connecting to a balcony or these wire nets I often see around the community. David and I are looking into that now and we will see what we can find and afford. She gave us advise on the process, told us what it would entail to get official approval for the home study and offered help for certain parts of the process.

After that we took her out to get some stuffed toys for her kids, gave her a Kombucha scobi to take home with her, then drove back with her to the airport. By the time we got back home, we were exhausted. It was 7 or 8 at night and all we could do was feel proud and sit on the couch and watch tv until it was an acceptable time to go to bed.

Overall, it was a really good day. The best part about it was after all our talking she said, "I'm going to approve you for 2 kids up to age 7," which is exactly what we wanted to hear. Verbal approval. We were so excited!

Now what's next? We've been approved for two kids by our social worker, but we still have some paperwork to finish, send in, get approved, cleared and so on. We are currently sending in Child Abuse Clearance paperwork for SC and TN. David is also working on completing his adoption education so he can earn his certificate. After that our completed home study document will be sent in to the Central Authority in the US and hopefully approved without investigation (think IRS checking on validity of taxes, but with adoption paperwork). If they ask for proof of something we only have a short period of time to respond with the needed paperwork. If we fail to comply there are consequences, such as having to re-do the whole home study.  We are praying that they will not ask for proof. By the time mail found its way to us, we would only have a few days to comply because of being in China and the reliability of mail here.

If we can sail smoothly through the home study approval, our next step is to attain all the paperwork we need for our dossier. If you want to know more about what is included in a dossier check out what our agency says here.

Counting the Days

As many of you already know, David and I are coming home in February (!) for two weeks. We're looking forward to seeing our families, meeting our new beautiful niece, and seeing some friends we haven't seen in what seems like forever. Even as I'm counting down the days until I get to hug my mama until I cry (or you know, long before I get to actually physically get to her, because I miss my mama), see my little brother(s) and sister, hold that baby and spend some time with my daddy, I'm also reminded of why we're going to the USA in the first place. I'm counting down the days until we bring our children home.

We're going so that we can round up all the documents we need for our home study and while we're there we want to try to raise money for the home study fees. We can cover a lot of the expenses for the home study, but because we're in China it's going to have more fees, mostly because of travel expenses for the social worker. We've been trying to contact as many people as we can find that are located near us. The problem is that the embassies have not updated their lists of home study providers in 10 years and laws for adoption can change within months. The biggest change that has been affecting us is the Hague Convention. Now, it's been inconvenient for us for a number of reasons, but I need you to know that this change is actually an amazing thing for the protection of adopted children and adoptive parents alike.

We've contacted at least 10 home study providers, only 3 are still in the running at all, and two of them are decently expensive. We're looking at another person that is closer to us, so we'll see if that pans out. We're trying to figure out what documents we need so we can figure out what our schedule will look like while we are home for the short 13 days. We're also trying to figure out how to change some of our information. We still have TN drivers licenses, but our permanent address needs to be with one of our parents so that means at least some hours spent at the DMV. We do have one advantage in all of our scheduling needs; we're not working while in the USA, so we can go in when most people can't. The down side will be that we will be jet-lagging probably pretty badly for the first week if experience serves me right. Pray for patience. We will already be in government buildings for far, far too long with my Irish temper, I will need extra patience for this trip!

I have had a lot of emotions when considering this trip; excitement, anxiety, and many others. But I have to remember that all of this is for the purpose of bringing our kids home. It's much like the mantra I had for planning our wedding, "At the end of all of this, I will be married." Except, this time it's, "At the end of all of this I will be a mom!" I don't know what becoming a parent will be like for us. I don't know what things we may encounter as parents or what joys it may hold, but we can't wait.

We were so excited this Christmas that we actually bought several presents that would be good for kids under the age of ten. We've decided to start buying toys and books so that when we finally do get to bring them home, we have things to give them. I realize that parenting is not about things, but this is the one aspect that we can really start now to benefit from later. We already missed at least one Christmas with our kids, and possibly many more depending on their ages. Through our endless to-do list of the adoption process, my mantra will be, "At the end, I will get to bring them home, I will be a mom and it will all be worth it."

Baby, All I Want For Christmas is You

When David and I were talking turkey about presents for Christmas this year, I was able to come up with quite a list of things. Of course, David did too. Then a day or so later we got the next step of our adoption process outlined for us, and everything about what I wanted changed. I still want that awesome new camera, but all my reasons are adoption oriented! We did some Christmas shopping and I couldn't help but buy a couple kids toys to store for the future. I was thinking it might be really cool if we start buying small toys, wrapping them, and then when we finally bring our kids home they can open them all. It might be fun to be able to start our new relationship with something as cool as opening presents! What kid doesn't like opening presents?

Now, there are new things on my list. Things like: I want to complete this paperwork as quickly as possible, I want to make appointments for while we are home in February, I want to get those t-shirts made, I want to set up some fundraisers, I want to find my home study provider, and many other seemingly boring things. All these things add up to the thing that I really want for Christmas, my kids. I have been praying for them a lot. I've been thinking about them all the time. Christmas is a time for family and David and I are so ready for our own little family to grow. For now I'm happy with our family that consists of David, me, a pretty puppy, and a crazy cute kitten, but soon I want so much more. So this year, the song "All I Want for Christmas is You" has a whole new meaning for me and every time I hear it, it fills my heart with longing.

Click here to listen to it. :)

I hope my babies are safe and happy this year. I can't wait to spend every holiday with them soon. Hope your holidays are fantastic! Merry Christmas!

So Much to be Thankful For

This year we have so much to be thankful for!

I am so thankful for God's perfect timing, above all else. David and I thought we were in the perfect apartment for our upcoming adoption. It had more rooms in it than we had currently needed and had an amazing loft and attic. We had landlords that would work with us and an agency that would get things done immediately. So when we found out that our landlords had decided to sell, we decided to find another place! It's so funny, because not two weeks earlier I was telling David that I really felt like we should look at other apartments just in case there was something out there that was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT for us. I told him that I really wanted to feel reassured that there was nothing else for us, before we received our home study.

Our landlords gave us the option to stay as long as we could be open to receiving buyers up to twice a week! This was not an option for us for several reasons. The first being that we have a delightful, anxiety-filled dog and a wonderful, rambunctious, 5 month old kitten. The second reason is that if we move after our home study and before we bring our kids home, we have to get another at our expense. The home study will most likely cost a little more than normal for us since we live in China and have to find someone that is Hague accredited, so having to do another would be extremely inconvenient.

We went on the hunt for our perfect apartment, for which we had surprisingly good attitudes! We both had a peace about it and we just really felt that God had prepared a place in advance for us.

We looked for two days (only!) and found THE ONE! It is five four bedrooms and four three bathrooms. (One room doesn't count because it's the size of a closet, and one bathroom is a Chinese toilet... haha!). Two of the rooms are really starting to come together as kids rooms, which is SUPER exciting to me! Our couches are at least 80% better in looks and comfort and we're super close to my campus of school.

We decided to go ahead and dedicate some of our funds this month to making our house our home. We took a trip to Ikea and bought some new stuff (finally!) for our place. We got some things that, honestly, just make me feel more at home and better equipped for a home study. I know that things are not what makes a home study, but there's something about finally having dishes that match each other that makes me feel like I actually have my life in order! Don't judge me too much!

Our next step in our journey is our first big payment. This fee goes towards our agency fee and the first part of our home study. It comes out to roughly $3,200. What's crazy amazing is that we have exactly the amount we need. I mean, we come within a hundred dollars of exactly. God is so, truly amazing. I need to share that this is further confirmation (like we needed any more!) that we are exactly where we need to be, doing exactly what we need to be doing. The next thing we will need is our home study fee, and we're having that after two fundraisers we're planning. If you're in Hilton Head in February (tentatively the 21st), we will be having a silent auction/dinner! If you can't make it to that, know that soon we're going to set some goals to cut/shave hair on David's head (yes, that includes his beloved beard, Dad Carr!). We're really excited and we know God will provide even if no one shows up to these fundraisers. After the home study we will be applying for every grant we even partially qualify for in the hope that it will help us receive the rest of our funding to bring our kids home.

If you have anything you would like to donate to our silent auction, you can contact my Mom Watkins, Mom Carr, my sister Erika, or me.
I can't wait to see so many of you in February!

Accepted!

The email came today! We've been accepted by our agency! We applied Sunday night as soon as the money we sent home was in our bank account. We were so excited!

Here's the email I received:

"Danae & David, I have reviewed, processed, and approved your application for an adoption from Bulgaria! I was excited to see that your family had filled it out – I loved having the opportunity to Skype with you over the phone a couple of weeks ago! If you choose to move forward with an adoption from Bulgaria, the next step to becoming a full client with MLJ is to submit your executed Adoption Services Agreement, signed fee sheet and initial payment according to the attached fee sheet. We will also need an original signed copy of your application. I've attached a copy to this email for you to print, sign and mail into the office. I know that you’re living abroad and sending documents internationally is a little bit more difficult. We will need original copies of your documents, but if you’re wanting to move forward quickly, you can email me scanned signed copies of the Fee Sheet and Adoption Services Agreement before you put them in the mail. We can take checks for the first payment, but we can also do a direct debit from your checking account, or charge a credit card (3% credit card fee applies, but is waived on the application payment). I do want to let you know that this application process is only an initial screening based on the limited information received. There are other approvals you will need throughout your process in order to bring a child home. These approvals come from your home study, Bulgaria, and the US State Department. The application approval is not a substitute for a home study assessment approval and does not screen for any laws specific to a state or country of residence other than Indiana. This is an initial screening and does not guarantee future approvals. Please let me know if you have any questions!"

Man I love this agency! I can't wait to begin this journey to bringing our kids home with them! Please continue to pray for our process!

Exciting, Scary Progress.

Cha-ching.
This is the thought going through David's mind this week.
So close. So real. So very.... scary.
These have been my thoughts.

We've been researching and researching, planning and saving, for almost two years now! I've found a sort of contentment in the planning, in the preparation, and even in the not having kids yet. We've worked really hard to try to figure out what we need and want to do to prepare for kids, and now it seems like the process it really going to get started.
So far, it's been a lot like a wandering walk in the park, looking at things we want to look at, discovering new things and finding things that can help us along the way. Now it seems like that relaxing, slow paced walk is over, and it's about to turn into a full sprint to the finish line. I realize the adoption process could take years to complete, but even still it's going to go quickly for us.

We had a Skype date with MLJ adoption agency's representative. It was really super encouraging, and I must say that I was dancing (and bouncing) around our house that night to the point I could hardly sleep at all! They work with expats, and they want to be super flexible with us, knowing that we live in China and that's different than if we lived in the states. Our finances, insurance and life-style looks totally different, and it was so nice to hear that it wouldn't be a problem! They showed us a list of referrals that they had received from Bulgaria in 2014, they talked about how Bulgaria is very reliable compared to some other countries and they had one more bit of news that pushed me over the edge of excitement and nervousness; with how much we are open to for our adoption, we could wait as little as three months for a referral! This comes after all the home study and paperwork stuff is taken care of, so we have at least until 2015 before any of this really comes into play. They also sent us an expense sheet, and the overall total is around what I had said before, $30-40,000.

The thing that really made this REAL for us is when we saw the costs broken down, when they were due and how much was due each time. Talk about David going crazy! He was not at all happy to find out that the money we have been saving and raising will only cover the first payment! All of which should be going to the agency within this month! That's our other piece of really big, encouraging news! I don't have to wait to get started on this process.

Now, before we were informed by a different agency that we both needed to be 25 years old. I had emailed this agency before (MLJ) and gotten a similar response, but I'm thinking they believed me to be single, because the representative informed me Tuesday night that since David is 26 and we're married, it will be ok to get started. There is a small part of me that is a little frustrated with this information since this means we really could have gotten started about a year ago. However, the bigger part of me (thankfully) is happy that David and I have had this time to become more informed, to pay off school bills and to become more financially prepared to take on the task of raising children. I think God placed this misunderstanding in our path to lead us in a better timed direction.

With all this new information comes a responsibility for us to get our butts kicked into gear to raise the money we'll need to complete our home study. Thankfully, after we have the home study completed and approved, we can apply for all sorts of adoption grants that will help cover significant amounts of the cost of international adoption. We are talking with family in HHI and Bluffton to start on some community fundraisers, one of the first is an outdoor movie night with hamburgers, hot-dogs, and apple cider. One that we'll will be doing in February is a Silent Auction/Dinner with a movie night for kids. If you have any ideas to help make these better functions, let me or any of my family members know! If you would like to donate an item (a product you or your company makes) for the Silent Auction, it would be such a blessing! I really appreciate your prayers and can't wait to see how God moves in this special area of our lives!

The Adoption Process - Five "easy" steps

Some people have asked about what the process of adoption will look like for us. So I'm going to try to break it down (as much as I know anyway) and explain some of what we will have to do and the fees that will be required along the way.

STEP ONE: The first thing we had to do was choose a country. Now I know that seems like the easiest part, but how do you choose one over another? Aren't all the children from all the countries equally in need of families? We had to start by narrowing down ones we knew we couldn't adopt from yet. Now, at the time we were under the impression that as long as you were of age for that particular country, you could adopt with the help of an agency from the USA. When we started this it was partially true, but this summer (2014) that all changed. Because of the new Hague Convention being heavily enforced in America, we have to comply with a Hague accredited agency. This means that the pool of agencies that we were looking at got significantly smaller. It might have been fine had we lived and adopted from the US, but at this point it does affect us. The Hague convention is doing amazing things to protect the children involved in adoption, as well as adoptive parents, so I don't want to come across as if this is just a huge unnecessary obstacle I wish would be taken away. The main problems it presented us with at the time was that 1) most agencies that were Hague accredited would only accept potential parents 25 years or older, 2) it took several countries we were considering out of the equation entirely.

While I'm talking about choosing the country, I must mention a few we considered and why we decided against them. The first one was China. This was shot down almost immediately because China requires adoptive parents to be 30+ years, and have many requirements like taking the child to the country your from instead of staying in China.

The second we really wrestled with was the USA. The main problem we encountered was the lack of information of expats adopting from America. We weren't sure if we could even qualify. The other thing that led to us not pursuing information heavily was that since we were considering adopting a toddler to an older child, the adjustment might just be too much. Going to a new country with a new family that doesn't speak your language and then moving to ANOTHER country that speaks an entirely different language. Coming from an American foster system, there might even be HUGE behavioral problems created by the handing off of the child to family after family. While we believe these issues could be over come with love the requirements for expats was to sketchy and varied from State to State.

We also considered countries closer to us like South Korea, Taiwan, Philippines, etc. But they didn't pan out for different reasons.

The country we originally landed on was Poland. The reason for this was a book we had read A Guide To Almost Free International Adoption, which outlined a way to adopt without an agency. It was TONS cheaper, and we knew we had the motivation to do it on our own with just an attorney's help. However, while inquiring with an agency about a home study, we found out about the Hague convention. It was required for all international adoptions to go through an American Hague Accredited agency starting in 2014. We knew we would not be able to complete our adoption with less than a year between us and the new rule, so we decided to open our options again and pray about other countries.

After much research (which before you pry into an adoptive families reasons for NOT choosing another country, know that it is a very, very difficult decision) we decided on Bulgaria. Our reasons for Bulgaria are outlined in another blog post. See (http://d-carrs.blogspot.sg/2013/12/decision-on-which-country-bulgaria.html)
But also know that we could have chosen a number of other countries, but felt led towards Bulgaria. I can't describe it much better than that. We went over cost, location, race, ages available, why they were orphans, and facilities for orphanages. Some of our reasons might seem trivial, but like I said, it was a very difficult decision for us, and you really can't get started on the next step until you decide firmly.

STEP TWO: Choosing an agency proved harder for us than I would have thought. There was just a list on a website that told about agencies that offer adoption from Bulgaria (like I said, the country decision had to be made first, or we wouldn't have had a way to search for a good agency to help us). We had to look for a Hague accredited agency that would work with expats, provide a home study for expats OR allow another company/agency to perform the home study, be available for our time zone, and show integrity in their adoptions. We had to look at a ton of little factors too; things like Christian vs secular, location in the US, technology use, adoptions per year, and many other things.

We were between about five agencies so I emailed them all asking questions about their agency, the program for Bulgaria, and most importantly, did they work with expats! A few immediately answered that they did not work with expats, so they were crossed off the list. There was an agency that never answered back, crossed off. And then there were two. I was between two agencies that both looked great for us. I eventually had to be specific in what I wanted, be a little picky and I landed on MLJ adoption agency in Indiana.

There were several things that just really made MLJ appealing for us. The first was that they answered IMMEDIATELY every time. The second is that they had a much better website and were more liberal with the information the placed there. The third was the lady that is over our program is a Christian who has adopted herself named Lydia Tarr. And the last thing is that MLJ and Mrs. Tarr have blogs that are updated with amazing information constantly. All of that together was just reassuring.

STEP THREE: This one can look different for other adoptive families, but for us the next step is fundraising and saving money. The reason for this is that we have been working very diligently on getting out of debt, and the total cost of our adoption will be from $27,000-34,000. We have worked our way through Financial Peace University by David Ramsey, and we are on our way to being debt free, hopefully by the time we bring our kids home! We honestly struggled doing the fundraising BEFORE the home study because we didn't want to appear overeager and uninformed about how adoption really works.

We were a little afraid that people wouldn't want to help us so early in the process, knowing we hadn't completed our home study. On that note, I need to add that for if some reason we don't pass our home study and we are unable to adopt, we will donate the money raised to helping orphans in some form. We would really at that point like to try again, knowing what we had done wrong and continue our adoption plans, but we are open to just donating to another couple adopting or an organization helping orphans.

We have been saving money ourselves as part of the budget we came up with, and have selling certain things that proceeds our adoption. We have gotten some sweet gifts from family and friends as well, and there is a link on our blog and our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/AdoptingaBurgundyWillow?ref_type=bookmark). Add us and follow us to find out about upcoming fundraising events!

STEP FOUR: The first thing we are saving up for is applying to the agency and getting the home study. We don't know exactly how much this will cost as our circumstance is a little different than most other adoptive families. For most people it costs around $3,000-5,000 to get the adoption started, and $5,000 for the home study. We now have enough money to cover that first fee (at least the $3,000) and we are confident we will be able to raise the money for the home study by February/March 2015.

STEP FIVE: This step is a little fuzzy to me, but I'll try to let you know what I know about it. This is the step that we submit a dossier (said "doss-ee-ay") and later in this step, we will accept a referral of a child or sibling group. At the point the dossier is filed and we accept the referral, we have to pay anywhere from $9,000-19,000 depending on circumstances. The dossier, in short, is a file about us. It will include all the paper work that is involved in adoption. It will have the home study, our financial and employment information, our marriage license, birth certificates, medical reports, immigration approval, reference letters and an adoption education completion certificate. In all it will have anywhere from 8-15 documents included, and all of it is sent to the country we want to adopt from. Once we send the dossier, we wait.
Here's where I found the information about the dossier:
(http://www.mljadoptions.com/blog/what-is-an-adoption-dossier-20130108)

We wait for a referral for a child or sibling group. We can also check out waiting children who have special needs (being an older child or part of a sibling group counts as a special need). Once we find a child(ren) that we are interested in we can let the agency know and see if they are still available for adoption. I actually set up an account already with a website, and it lets me know when children matching our profile become available. A few weeks back they sent a picture of these little girls that nearly broke my heart to have to wait for. It was comforting to pray for a family for them though.

The wait time for a child(ren) from Bulgaria, I'm told, depends entirely on your flexibility. The more special needs you are open to, the easier time they have matching a child to you. Once we accept, it will be about four to six months until everything is processed and we can move on to my favorite step!
Here are some wait times others have had from our agency: (http://www.mljadoptions.com/blog/flexibility-key-to-shorter-wait-for-families-adopting-from-bulgaria-20140707)

STEP FIVE: Travel! Oh, how this word excites me! This will be the point that we travel to meet our children, and set up a court date to go pick them up! We'll get to meet them, ask them if we can be their mommy and daddy and they can be ours forever, see where they've been living, play with them and give them some simple gifts! We will be there approximately a week the first time, and I think this might even be part of accepting the referral. The second time will be to get everything court official and bring our kids home! At this point we will need to pay a $3,000-6,000 fee, and I'm not entirely sure if that includes our plane tickets, translator and other transportation and accommodations.


Now that I've gone through the basics of what our adoption process will look like, can you think of any questions you would like answered personally or think that I should find out? I have done a ton of research, but there is still so much information out there yet to be found! I would appreciate any input or advice as well! I love hearing from you!