The 3 Options as of Now

Right now we're in the middle of an intense waiting session.

We've run into an issue with our visa type getting a background check in the land we live (I'm avoiding saying the name so I'm not flagged -- it's stupid here sometimes and you never know what will be the THING that sets things in motion). Anyways... we have to declare residency and wait 6 months for a background check according to the local police station. The problem with this is that we've already had most of our home study done. This is literally the last thing we need before we send our home study report in to be approved. It's so frustrating. Our home study social worker is working on finding out exactly what we need and how to get it. We're praying about our options and would love it if you joined us in prayer over this decision.

Right now we have three options:
1. Wait until we can adopt. This might mean starting our home study process over in 6 months. We're also a little worried about the initial fee at our agency "expiring." (we were supposed to have our dossier finished within a year of the initial fee - and we haven't even finished the home study which is the precursor to the dossier). This might also mean waiting until we have a visa type that allows us to get background checks easily - we don't know when this would be available to us. Our school is working on it, but they've been working on it for a while to no avail.

2. Foster a local child. We would go into this realizing that we would not be able to adopt any child from here until we are both 30 (at least 4 years unless they change their law). I'm pretty sure we could do that part. The really tough part is that we would not be able to travel with the child outside of the country. This would mean that we have to find childcare every 60 days (another visa thing) or anytime we went to the USA or anywhere else for that matter. We would be committing to stay in country for the foreseeable future. This would also be almost immediate - no prep time, just thrown into parenting. There is also the issue that we both teach all day, so it would be afternoon and night, and weekends. Right now we also tutor a bunch on Saturday and some on Tuesday night. Most couples get the understanding from others that they've just had a "newborn" and there is some help in the adjustment. While I know I would thrive being a mom, I don't know that David's ready this instant to change his entire lifestyle on a dime.

3. Start trying to have children biologically. As I have mentioned before, we're not infertile that we know of, so this is still an option. This would be the easiest. But we also don't feel like this is God's call for our lives at the moment. I do feel that if this was the option we chose that I would get involved in some sort of orphan care ministry. There is a specific one that helps parents take care of their child, preventing abandonment in the first place. I would love to be the hands and feet of other organizations helping with orphan care as well, so I think this could be a valid option.

We're still waiting to hear, but I'll update as soon as I know. There is much to consider and at the front of that decision is God's will for our lives. Pray that His will becomes clear for us and that we are not(especially I am not) clouded by impatience or selfishness.

How it went - The Home Study

I'm gonna try a new style of writing today, let me know if you like it.

It was a beautiful day, so let me start there. It was cloudy and overcast, but not with pollution as it is so often in our city of DG. We haven't had rain our entire rainy season, so seeing those clouds was a
happy occasion. We got up extra early and did a quick sweep through of our house. Put away bed mats (we were sleeping on the floor downstairs because the air-conditioning upstairs was broken), put on clothes that were carefully laid out the night before, do hair, make-up, run outside and walk the dog.

Once all the little things we knew we needed to do where done, we made sure everything looked nice one final time before heading out the door. We still needed to catch a taxi, a bus would not do on a day like today. Buses save money, but not time, and time is what we were needing to save. We flagged down a taxi much quicker than we were expecting and we were on our way to Dynatown Mall where we were going to meet up with Eric. Eric is high up in a factory about 20 minutes away from the downtown area. He has a personal driver and he had offered to let us use this luxury for today.

We pulled up to the mall and paid the taxi driver. We got out, hoping Starbucks would be open at 6:30 am. In China, it doesn't open until 7:15, so we were out of luck. We went to McDonald's instead. I got what I everything that I can eat from McDonald's; eggs, a hash-brown and a coffee. David got whatever he wanted; an egg McMuffin, a biscuit and a milk. We also ordered food for our driver and Eric. They arrived soon after we got the food and we were heading over to Eric's factory in no time. Our driver needed to eat once we got to the factory, so he took 10 minutes to do that and we took a tour of the place. Eric's factory makes lamps for hotels. It was a really cool experience.

We got our GPS ready to go to Guangzhou airport and we were off. It took about an hour and a half to drive all the way there. We spent that time reading our adoption education book, "The Connected Child" and talking, all the while trying to keep ourselves from becoming over-anxious and over-stressed.

When we finally got there, we communicated (in horrible Chinese) to the driver that we wanted him to stay nearby and we would be back soon. We found the gate which our social worker would be arriving. We decided to scrawl her name on a piece of paper, just in case we didn't recognize her.
We took turns visiting the restroom and spent the time pacing back and forth still talking and joking, trying to ease the nerves.

Some people started filing around the exit corner and into the waiting area. An elderly couple, a family, lots of single Chinese people. Finally, the only person who was foreign enough to be her turned the airport exit corner. It was easier than we thought to recognize her, and we called out her name. We said hello and it all began.

We got in the car and drove back to Dongguan. Our nerves were quickly calmed as we began to just talk. At first we were still feeling the pressure to present ourselves in a positive light, but as we got to know her and she got to know us, we were much more comfortable. I offered her a snack I had packed which led to a conversation about nutrition. We talked for some time about the importance of nutrition when adopting. The fact that I had packed Gluten free pretzels, a Soyjoy and some water boded well for us! David even took the opportunity to brag on me for my dietary and nutrition expertise!

We talked about all kinds of things, but here are the big topics I remember; we talked about the level of support we felt we had from friends and family, our plans for discipline, how there could be issues with attachment after adoption, the special needs in a child that might arise with any international adoption, what we planned in terms of childcare, how we were planning financially, and so much more. We actually knew the answer to every question asked! We spent time talking in the car, in our living room and while eating lunch at a Chinese restaurant down the road from us.

She met Aubie and Luna and they were on their best behavior. She loved them! She said "I knew I would like you when I read about how your greatest accomplishment was saving your kitten." I felt a kind of kindred spirit thing going on with her. First on the topic of nutrition and now with animals!

She looked around at safety features in our house and pointed out some things we might improve on. The best thing she said all day was "I don't need to check every little safety feature, because I know you will love your children more than I do and will want to protect them more than I would."
Honestly, it made me feel capable.

There weren't many concerns for safety about our house, except the balconies. Our social worker suggested either getting some sort of lock for everywhere connecting to a balcony or these wire nets I often see around the community. David and I are looking into that now and we will see what we can find and afford. She gave us advise on the process, told us what it would entail to get official approval for the home study and offered help for certain parts of the process.

After that we took her out to get some stuffed toys for her kids, gave her a Kombucha scobi to take home with her, then drove back with her to the airport. By the time we got back home, we were exhausted. It was 7 or 8 at night and all we could do was feel proud and sit on the couch and watch tv until it was an acceptable time to go to bed.

Overall, it was a really good day. The best part about it was after all our talking she said, "I'm going to approve you for 2 kids up to age 7," which is exactly what we wanted to hear. Verbal approval. We were so excited!

Now what's next? We've been approved for two kids by our social worker, but we still have some paperwork to finish, send in, get approved, cleared and so on. We are currently sending in Child Abuse Clearance paperwork for SC and TN. David is also working on completing his adoption education so he can earn his certificate. After that our completed home study document will be sent in to the Central Authority in the US and hopefully approved without investigation (think IRS checking on validity of taxes, but with adoption paperwork). If they ask for proof of something we only have a short period of time to respond with the needed paperwork. If we fail to comply there are consequences, such as having to re-do the whole home study.  We are praying that they will not ask for proof. By the time mail found its way to us, we would only have a few days to comply because of being in China and the reliability of mail here.

If we can sail smoothly through the home study approval, our next step is to attain all the paperwork we need for our dossier. If you want to know more about what is included in a dossier check out what our agency says here.

Silent Auction - Update!!

It's taken me a while to get this update on here! Mostly because of how crazy busy we got in the last several days we were home (including a meeting with a newspaper reporter!) and then, of course, jet-lag from flying all the way across the world. Honestly, I'm writing this in very, very short bursts, because I've been so tired! Finally feeling better now and laying off the Marathon of "New Girl," at least for most of the day! (sorry for the rabbit trails - further evidence of the jet-lagging!)

Well, we're very excited to announce...

Drum Roll, please...

We raised over $8,000!!!

The silent auction was a HUGE success! We had about 100 people show up, we sold almost every basket and item (!) and had tons of gracious donations! Thank you to everyone that came and showed us such amazing support of our adoption! We are so blown away by the sweet, thoughtful donations, both of items for the auction and monetary. We want to say thank so so much!

Our goal was $4,000, just enough to get us through the home study, and honestly, we weren't sure if we'd be able to raise that much in just ten days of being home! We were told by several people that they thought it wouldn't work out the way we thought it would. That maybe we should lower our expectations. And that maybe people wouldn't be interested in buying the themed baskets we put together. But I have to say, I'm really proud of how it ended up turning out and while there are things I would change, there are definitely things that I would do again! (Post to come later about that!)

We don't have many pictures, because everyone involved was pretty... well... involved! We were so busy during the event that it felt like it all passed in about 15 minutes! Here are the few pictures we have from the event:

Apparently, I left my SD card at my mom's house... so pictures will be updated later! Sorry friends!

Oh, last thing! We had an article written about us in the Bluffton Sun/Hilton Head Sun! Here's the link: We're on the March 3 issue, page 8/9!!! Eeeeekkk! So excited!

Counting the Days

As many of you already know, David and I are coming home in February (!) for two weeks. We're looking forward to seeing our families, meeting our new beautiful niece, and seeing some friends we haven't seen in what seems like forever. Even as I'm counting down the days until I get to hug my mama until I cry (or you know, long before I get to actually physically get to her, because I miss my mama), see my little brother(s) and sister, hold that baby and spend some time with my daddy, I'm also reminded of why we're going to the USA in the first place. I'm counting down the days until we bring our children home.

We're going so that we can round up all the documents we need for our home study and while we're there we want to try to raise money for the home study fees. We can cover a lot of the expenses for the home study, but because we're in China it's going to have more fees, mostly because of travel expenses for the social worker. We've been trying to contact as many people as we can find that are located near us. The problem is that the embassies have not updated their lists of home study providers in 10 years and laws for adoption can change within months. The biggest change that has been affecting us is the Hague Convention. Now, it's been inconvenient for us for a number of reasons, but I need you to know that this change is actually an amazing thing for the protection of adopted children and adoptive parents alike.

We've contacted at least 10 home study providers, only 3 are still in the running at all, and two of them are decently expensive. We're looking at another person that is closer to us, so we'll see if that pans out. We're trying to figure out what documents we need so we can figure out what our schedule will look like while we are home for the short 13 days. We're also trying to figure out how to change some of our information. We still have TN drivers licenses, but our permanent address needs to be with one of our parents so that means at least some hours spent at the DMV. We do have one advantage in all of our scheduling needs; we're not working while in the USA, so we can go in when most people can't. The down side will be that we will be jet-lagging probably pretty badly for the first week if experience serves me right. Pray for patience. We will already be in government buildings for far, far too long with my Irish temper, I will need extra patience for this trip!

I have had a lot of emotions when considering this trip; excitement, anxiety, and many others. But I have to remember that all of this is for the purpose of bringing our kids home. It's much like the mantra I had for planning our wedding, "At the end of all of this, I will be married." Except, this time it's, "At the end of all of this I will be a mom!" I don't know what becoming a parent will be like for us. I don't know what things we may encounter as parents or what joys it may hold, but we can't wait.

We were so excited this Christmas that we actually bought several presents that would be good for kids under the age of ten. We've decided to start buying toys and books so that when we finally do get to bring them home, we have things to give them. I realize that parenting is not about things, but this is the one aspect that we can really start now to benefit from later. We already missed at least one Christmas with our kids, and possibly many more depending on their ages. Through our endless to-do list of the adoption process, my mantra will be, "At the end, I will get to bring them home, I will be a mom and it will all be worth it."

Baby, All I Want For Christmas is You

When David and I were talking turkey about presents for Christmas this year, I was able to come up with quite a list of things. Of course, David did too. Then a day or so later we got the next step of our adoption process outlined for us, and everything about what I wanted changed. I still want that awesome new camera, but all my reasons are adoption oriented! We did some Christmas shopping and I couldn't help but buy a couple kids toys to store for the future. I was thinking it might be really cool if we start buying small toys, wrapping them, and then when we finally bring our kids home they can open them all. It might be fun to be able to start our new relationship with something as cool as opening presents! What kid doesn't like opening presents?

Now, there are new things on my list. Things like: I want to complete this paperwork as quickly as possible, I want to make appointments for while we are home in February, I want to get those t-shirts made, I want to set up some fundraisers, I want to find my home study provider, and many other seemingly boring things. All these things add up to the thing that I really want for Christmas, my kids. I have been praying for them a lot. I've been thinking about them all the time. Christmas is a time for family and David and I are so ready for our own little family to grow. For now I'm happy with our family that consists of David, me, a pretty puppy, and a crazy cute kitten, but soon I want so much more. So this year, the song "All I Want for Christmas is You" has a whole new meaning for me and every time I hear it, it fills my heart with longing.

Click here to listen to it. :)

I hope my babies are safe and happy this year. I can't wait to spend every holiday with them soon. Hope your holidays are fantastic! Merry Christmas!

T-shirts!

Hey guys! We were brainstorming for our adoption fundraising and we stumbled across a new way to t-shirt fund-raise. It takes out some of the risk because it's through a website that doesn't charge unless we meet our goal of 100 t-shirts sold in 21 days. Also, it allows people to pick out the style and their size instead of me having to guess which ones to order and having left-overs. I'm so excited to present our first t-shirts! Later on we'll have a different style available, but for this month we're just going to try this one! We would really appreciate it if you would consider buying one! Consider it a Christmas gift to David and I! We're trying to raise money in time to get paper processed in February and for our home study soon after.

Click here to buy one!

What if God thought this way?

I would like to talk about something that has been on my heart for a while. I had been reading about all the people who had adopted and had dealt with rude comments. I have been contemplating how I would respond to these people.

I have dealt with several comments already. Mostly people are just confused. One of David's students asked us why in the world we would do something like this. But he didn't stop there. He called us crazy for selling things to raise money. He criticized adopting children that were going to be "messed up." He topped it all with a whopper "Oh, my G--, teacher! You're not God! You can't save all the children!" We've also had people tell us that we are young, that we'll change our minds soon. That having adopted children can never come close to having your own. That adopted children are messed up and why don't we just start with our own instead. That adoption just costs too much to be really worth it, and we might as well just try to start a family of our own. Now, some of these are curiosity, some of these just aren't any of their business, but I've tried with as much grace as I can sum up in that moment to explain our call regardless.

This is what hit me in the face: What if God had thought these things? What if he thought, "You know, adoption of these people sure does cost a lot." "These people are going to be more screwed up than if I had my own kids." "I'm not going to be able to save all of them." "The process is just too hard and stressful for me." "I'll just wait and see how I feel after I start my own family."

Google Image

Wow. I have never felt so convicted to adopt as when this hit me. God's cost was so much steeper than anything I could ever pay. God deals with a lot more behavior problems than I will ever have to with adopted kids. God deals with the grief that not all of us will be saved (by choice!). God dealt and deals with a much harder process of adopting his children than I ever could.
Praise Him! He gave and gives more than I deserve and nothing I could ever do would amount to what he has done. Thank you Lord that you cared enough for us to pay that price, to deal with our loads of crap and to continue to parent me regardless of all of my flaws.

So I have to leave you with the thought that brought me here:
What if God thought they way you do about Orphans?
Thank Him that he doesn't!