Courage is Action Despite Fear

China is kinda a scary place. It doesn't feel like that to me most days. Most days the only thing that affects my day-to-day life is the fact that everyone around me speaks Chinese and I speak it very little. My neighbors are mostly nice, there are tons of kids everywhere, and the church is blooming in DG. We're so protected in this city that sometimes I forget how different it is in the "bigger" China. Things have been getting much better in recent years, but China hasn't changed all that much. We are so blessed to live in a city that is different; but occasionally we're affected. I can't go into details, but this week we were reminded how fragile the China/America relationship is. How easily they could just decide to kick us out.

I've heard that definition of courage a million times. I've heard it explained and yet never fully understood. I've shared with you some fears David and I have about parenting, but this is a little more immediate. Many people ask us how our adoption is going. If we're being honest, at the moment, we're frozen in fear. It's easy to say that you would do anything to bring your kids home to you. It's a lot harder when you are climbing up a treacherous hill and reach an impasse that you literally have to step out in faith. There's a 50/50 chance of how it will turn out once we take this step. We're kinda freaking out and would love some extra prayer about it.

In this time of fear, God has been so gracious to remind us over and over that He makes the decisions, we just have to say "yes." He's reminded us that he holds the hearts of kings (and Chinese government officials) and turns then anyway he chooses. He's reminded us that it is His battle and I just need to bring what I have, He'll do the rest. He's been so faithful throughout this entire process, we know this is just one detail, but it's a scary one. If it goes poorly we could have to start the entire adoption process over again, in possibly another country. We could have problems with our visas, we could get flagged and have difficulty from now on coming and going in China or we could even get kicked out of China entirely. Every devotion I've done lately, every verse I've read, every study I've attended has been a reminder that if we follow His direction, He will make a way.
(Side note: I've been reading a book called "One. Impossible Starts Here" and it's amazing. Check it out if you need a reminder to follow God's will, not just your own comfort!)

We have a little bit of a wait until we're even able to make this leap of faith, but we're also on a deadline. We're getting nervous that we might run out of time on our initial fee with our adoption agency. We're getting nervous that we're taking too long to finish our home study and we might have to do another (more expenses...). We don't want people to think we're being irresponsible, or that we've gotten cold feet and we're running the other direction. We're all in. We're just not sure about the timing. Trust me, I'm chaffing at the wait. I'm trying not to, but I still long to give baths, brush hair & teeth, tuck into bed, play games, cuddle, and feed my own children. This longing hasn't faded. We're doing all we can, but this is too big for us alone. We need God.

"I'll never leave you or forsake you" Hebrews 13:5
"You lead me and guide me because of Your name" Ps. 31:3
"I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you hope and a future" Jer. 29:11
"I will instruct you and teach you the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you" Ps. 32:8
"As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" Josh. 24:15