Christmas Day - Prayers for the Orphans

Christmas Day was full of fun and smiles and good times here in the Carr home. David and I both opened our stockings first, and then he had to show me my big gift and breakfast would have to wait. We both received many presents and we are all in all happy and content. We read the Christmas story from Luke and Matthew and discussed what it was like for Mary and Joseph and all the little meanings that we so often miss. This is the fourth Christmas that we have spend married, even though we've only been married three years! I'm so happy in our marriage and our spot in life, but there is definitely that little something that's missing.  Those little feet that jump on the bed to wake us up. Those little eyes that light up when they open their toys. Those little hands that wrap around us while we cuddle in for a day of Christmas movies and hot chocolate. While these thoughts make my heart ache, there is a thought that absolutely kills me inside; there are so many children RIGHT NOW that are longing, and their hearts are breaking for a mommy and daddy to do all those things for them! My baby is out there somewhere, whether already born and growing or not even conceived yet, my baby is out there. My hope, my desire and longing is that someone loves my baby this Christmas; someone shows them a trace of the love that David and I feel already.
I pray for all the babies, children, and teens that are without families, and seemingly without hope this Christmas. I pray God will wrap them tightly in His arms and let them know someone loves them, and someone is coming to get them soon. I pray for the families who have room, who have calling, who are considering to pick up their feet and use their hands to serve God's greater purpose with Faith and without Fear. I pray that more Christians will find the calling, that more babies and children can go HOME.
So tonight I'm so thankful for the one baby that was adopted by Joseph, and adopts me into his family as well. I praise you, God for the things you have done and have yet to do! I thank you in advance for taking care of our child/children and loving them more than I could ever understand or compare to. This Christmas, I hope you take some time to pray for the ones who are lonely, whether Orphan, or Widow, or otherwise. And that you open your heart to care for them, in some way.
Merry Christmas and God Bless.

Decision on which country: Bulgaria

Well, we've done some research and asked a million questions at multiple agencies and we've come to one conclusion. Bulgaria. This is a country we've never given much thought to until this year. The Bulgarian people can look anything from blonde blue eyed to tanned and dark eyes. They are known for having gypsies. I'm not entirely sure why (the Hunchback of Notredame probably has something to do with it), but I've always romanticized the idea of a gypsy. In reality, gypsies are a poverty stricken people. They live in tents instead of homes, and can travel or stay in one area and try to earn money in their nomadic way.

Bulgaria is a Baltic State and is where many Syrians are finding refuge right now. All of this information, and whispering from God to our spirits, has Bulgaria stealing our hearts. There is no age limit for us to adopt from there, but many agencies do have a minimum age of 25. We are attempting to find one that would cater to a slightly younger couple, but if not, we do now have an agency in mind to get us through this process a year from now when I turn 25. For now we're going to focus on getting our lives in order for a child (or children, recently we've been talking about siblings!) We need to paint our house, add some furniture, decorate the bare walls and pay off as much debt as possible, so when the time comes to get our home study they can see us in the best possible light. The first fee we're saving for is the home study, which looks to be around $2,500-$5,000, depending on whether or not we need to pay for travel expenses for the case worker. We are currently looking at an agency with case workers here in China, so hopefully it will save some of the expense!

Decisions, Decisions

There is no real update in this blog post. Just some thoughts and feelings. Our adoption plans have felt stunted lately, but really I'm not sure what I could be doing to make it go faster. We still have to decide on an agency, and it seems that all the agencies I've inquired with have a different answer for where we should be adopting from, costs, and what difficulties we will face. Some seem to think we need to wait until David is 25 so we're not so young. Some think that adopting from China is going to be too difficult and that we might have to go through the Chinese government to adopt. Some seem optimistic but don't respond immediately and cost a whole lot of money. I'm not really sure what agency we'll use or what country we'll adopt from. Keep us in your prayers for now as we try to make these decisions. I have been making some new hemp creations, feel free to buy one (or more!). Send me a message on facebook or email me! (Danae.carr@yahoo.com)

First step: finding an agency!

Apparently the first step to adoption is inquiring and researching, and we are definitely in that first step! We are currently trying to find a good adoption agency that is a good fit for us. One thing that makes this part of the process extremely difficult is that the agency we choose needs to be able to conduct a home study for us here in China and there are not many agencies that offer this service. We also need to decide on a country that would fit us. We may be able to adopt from within the USA, but we are still waiting for the details of domestic adoption from abroad. We are trying to look for a country that is close to where we live now so that we might be able to cut down on expenses of one of the few things we can control. And we can can control travel costs more than anything else.You may be thinking, “Why don’t they just adopt from China? I mean after all they live there now, and the need is still so great!” The answer to that is that we looked there first, however one of the spouses must be 30 years old or older. Those of you that know us well know that we would have to wait longer than we would want to start our family to adopt from China. We would love to add to our family from China someday though! We have also looked into South Korea, but the reasons we cannot pursue SK are too funny. We are too fat and we do not make a quarter of a million dollars a year! Sad to say that their priorities are just a little off… A loving family would be better than being an orphan… anyway, don’t get me started! We have also looked into many different countries, but we just haven’t decided yet. (also, one point I need to add: we cannot adopt from Africa at this point because of the bias and prejudice against black skin in China. We do not want to subject a child to blatant racism right after being adopted).For now I am contenting myself in trying to get our apartment “home study ready” by fixing and cleaning and planning. My Our goals are to sand and paint the walls, to buy a kitchen table, to fix a broken glass shelf in the bathroom, clean up all the metal fixtures in our apartment, and to figure out what to do about the ledge in our living room and some sort of gate for the stairs.We intend to have these things finished by spring, and hopefully have our adoption agency selected and our home study scheduled. I’ll keep you up to date on where we are in the process! So for now I’m doing a lot of digging on the web and emailing agencies. If you know of an agency that might meet our needs, please do tell! I have not gotten much feedback in many areas of our adoption thus far, and it is encouraging to hear from you!

Receiving New information: The Difficulties of Adoption Internationally as an Expat

I have begun inquiring about different options, as far as agencies go, about us getting a home study. I received an email from one of them. Apparently there will be a “new law going into effect next summer…” Essentially this law will require every international adoption to be through a Hague Accredited agency which, by the way, is very expensive. There are extra fees including one for just being a Hague accredited agency ($500). Oh, and just because we live in China does not mean it exempts us from this at all. Apparently if you live in any Hague accredited country (which both USA and China are), you must use a Hague accredited agency.

                Now I must confess something. Lately, I have been feeling very uneasy and nervous about us pursuing adoption. I have just been questioning if we’re even going to be able to jump through all the hoops we need to in order to adopt. We don’t make that much money in terms of USD, our home is full of sharp corners, stairs and a frightening height from our balcony (11 floors) It’s crazy though, even though this law has made it more difficult and more expensive, it has really confirmed our decision and desire to adopt. I don’t know how it will work out, we might even have to move to another apartment and work more to make more money, but everything will be fine.

From: Stringoffaith.blogspot.com

At Bible study Wednesday, we talked about Hannah and how she prayed for Samuel. She begged and begged for years but our merciful and loving God kept telling her “not yet.” Our Bible study leader, Angela talked about how it was so confusing to think about. Why would the God who promised her ancestor Abraham long ago that he would multiply his offspring to the amount of the sand on the beach, the stars in the sky, and yet close her womb? It must have felt awful and she must have felt heartbroken a time or two. I really was right there too, why would God close her womb, why make her wait?? I didn’t understand. When Angela hit the point and the realization set in I was blown away. If Samuel had been born into any other time, he wouldn’t have been the man God needed to fit His perfect will. He wouldn’t have been promised to the temple, he wouldn’t have been the prophet to turn hearts back towards the God of Israel. It is just amazing to me. It blew me away. God’s timing has never made so much sense to me! My parents have always said things like, “Look at that car accident! If we had left five minutes earlier, that could have been us,” but honestly it never sunk in quite like it did on Wednesday. It never felt so real, so close, and so very personal.  I’ve begged David for a baby since the moment we were married, and he’s not felt ready for it yet. I’ve never felt the pain of infertility or miscarriages, and I don’t pretend to, but what I do claim is that I have had to wait for something I know I was designed for. I haven’t waited very patiently so far, but I honestly feel peace in the waiting right now. When we made the decision to adopt months ago, I felt like I could pluck a child right out of an orphanage right in that moment and I would be incandescently happy. While I’m sure I would have been happy, it feels so much better knowing that I’m in the middle of his plan, and right now that plan involves waiting. We’re not going to stop trying to adopt ASAP, but if it doesn’t happen in the next year, or even five, I know I can be happy in the midst of the waiting.

Here is the website that details the new law UAA: http://adoption.state.gov/adoption_process/faqs/uaa_2012.php

At the Heart of Things

~Our Heart~

Since David and I have come to the decision to adopt our first child, I have done nothing but research. I have bought books on my kindle and spent hours reading online about international adoption. Even though I feel like I have already done all this work, I still feel miles away from where I want to be... with my kid, in my home as a family. We have decided to pursue adoption from Poland because of the book "The Ultimate Guide to Almost Free International Adoptions" by Victoria & John Skelly. Apparently they have made abortions illegal there and as a result, there is a flux of abandoned babies and babies put up for adoption. Our hope is to adopt a little boy or girl (David's hoping girl) from ages 2-4. We are currently in the inquiry stages with adoption agencies for a home study for expats, and have not found any that are super promising. We hope to have a child in arms in the next two years. The name of this blog is significant because if we adopt a boy, we hope to incorporate the name Burgan or Willow into the child's name somehow, and if they're young enough, replace their old name with one of our choices.

~Awareness at Church~
Today in church a short blurb about David and I wanting to pursue adoption was published in our weekly “Lift” pamphlet. Thank you Melissa for that, it was super sweet to think of us and to get the word out there! If you’re reading this blog, you’re one of the few that already knew about our want to adopt. It’s not that we’ve been keeping it a secret, but we haven’t really made any progress quite yet. I haven’t gotten a lot of feedback from many people about my fundraising ideas, and quite honestly, we can’t begin until we fund raise. It’s kind of a horrible cycle, we don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up and help back us in this new adventure, only to find we’re not eligible, and will fail a home study, or it will SEVERAL years before we can really put our plan into action. BUT on the other hand, we can’t really know until we have a home study (which right now we cannot afford on our own). This article allowed some people in the church who did not previously know about our adoption desire a way to help; buy a hemp creation! I hope to send some hemp creations home and also I hope to get some people from home involved to help as well (mom and Erika, I’m looking at you two! *clears throat* wedding *clears throat*). In the meantime I’m hoping beyond hope that people here will pay a ridiculous amount of money for China goods (my necklaces = $10 = 50-60 RMB) and help us get closer to having a home study done.

~Fundraising~

Honestly, it’s a bit stressful to think about at times. Because things are so cheap here, everyone is used to paying super cheap for goods, which makes fundraising very difficult. I’ve seen it with other charitable fundraisers, and experienced being the donor in those situations. It’s hard to donate 100RMB for a meal that you don’t feel is worth it, unless the cause is that good. Let’s hope our cause is that good! Something I kinda hate to admit: adoptions are expensive, and there is no way we will be able to adopt on our own with our own savings. I want to say this now though, I’m not asking for straight up donations, I want to earn what I receive. I have a special folder just to keep our adoption funds in, and it’s been what I’ve saved or earned through my hemp work. If you would like to donate, great, but I want to give you SOMETHING in return! I have a few ideas, but I would like some input too. What is something I could give you, even you in the USA. What could possibly ever be enough to give you for help bringing our baby home? I was tossing around a quilt piece, I brought one here that I had been working on in college, incomplete. Would you be interested in buying a piece, and writing your name on it, the finished piece being our baby’s first blanket? Would you like to have a Spaghetti dinner, and pay for a plate. Would you be interested in a dessert auction? What else could I do? I really do want input and help with the planning. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Again, thanks so much for your support and prayers. We pray often for our little one (David prays for a little girl!) to be loved where they are now, to know that we’re coming for them and for their safety and well-being.

~Danae~